She looked up and into Martin’s round face. He returned her look with his usual, indefinable expression. Oh, how she hated him — Laura had felt a strong aversion against this boy from her first day at this school. It wasn’t like her to feel this way, really. She was the type of girl that saw something good in everyone, and she certainly was not into bullying or excluding people. But she was sure that there was something wrong with him. It wasn’t just that he was stupid and seemed to have no mind of his own, it was more. He scared her. It made her uncomfortable that he had touched her. Why was she even sitting next to him? She vaguely remembered entering the room, the whole class being present, and looking for a place to sit, but she couldn’t remember choosing this seat. Maybe it had been the only free seat, she thought. ‘Didn’t you hear?’ Martin asked. ‘What!?’ Laura’s voice came out louder than planned. ‘Mr. Seger has died. We can go home. Tomorrow there is a memorial gathering in. These were to be my happiest memories of childhood. I've always watched women with an apt fascination of the world to which Iwas being denied. It seemed so enchanting, all of it. But when I attemptedto emulate the behavior that seemed so normal, I was socially ostracized.I rarely had close friends as a child, I was just different and strange -an exogenous factor that didn't compute with the system.I discovered Fictionmania in 1998 with the advent of the Internet. Inhindsight, I can say that I wasted many years that I could have beenliving as a girl by visiting that site. It all seemed to be so impossiblefor so long - but here is the story of how I beat my fear and got thecourage to transition. On July 6 of last year I broke up with Heather, ending the worstrelationship of my life. I was 25 at the time. Heather was in interestingspecimen to be sure. A grouchy and emotionless diabetic finishing up herPhD in Exercise Science, Heather was someone that eschewed femininityalmost.
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